Anguish
This is Chapter Three of Danganronpa: Anguish & Desire, Training Time!. In this chapter, Nakata takes Ken under her wing; and, tensions begin to run high as the days pass and help fails to arrive. Author's Note: There are rude comments in this episode directed at someone with a mental disorder, so if that's a sensitive issue, be wary of reading! Thank you! / "I have to conquer my fear. Humans are beings that need to grow in order to have a reason for living." - Touko Fukawa, the Ultimate Writing Prodigy I wake up on my second morning trapped inside Hope’s Peak from the knocking on my door. It was light, but enough to make me bolt from my bed and fly to my door. The possibility of escape was on my mind -- it was because of the dream of Touka I had that night, I’m pretty sure -- so I couldn’t get to that door fast enough. I just wanted it to be over. Of course, escape wasn’t awaiting me. Instead, I was face-to-face with Madoka Nakata, the Ultimate Mercenary. She stared indifferently at me, wearing a black tank and gym shorts. The black strap of her sports bra was barely visible on her right shoulder, it stuck out under her tanktop just barely. She held a half-empty plastic black water bottle in her hand, and a small black towel in the other. “Are you ready?” That’s all she asked me. It took me a moment to realize what she was talking about. “Oh, for sparring?” I ask, rubbing my eyes, to which she only sighs. “You just woke me up so I’ll be like five minutes, if that’s okay?” She nods, before tilting her head. Her eyes getting only a tiny bit wider. “You have blue eyes?” “Yeah, I wear prescription contacts.” I explain, nodding my head. “I’m shitty at seeing things from a distance, so, yeah.” Did she really think I had one dark green and one brown eye? Is she an airhead? “Then why not wear glasses?” “Hard to wear glasses and play survival games at the same time.” “Then why the different colored contacts?” “Matched my hair.” “Why is your hair like that?” Why are we playing 20 questions?! And, we’re getting too personal. I don’t want to tell her the truth, and, I won’t. But above all, I’m surprised the merc -- the person who watches people die all the time -- is the one who’s trying to learn about me. It kinda says a lot, huh? Maybe she just wants a friend…? She still stares at me indifferently, waiting for me to answer. Or, maybe she just thinks I look funny...? “I’ll tell you later,” I shrug her off. “Meet me in the gym, I’ll only be a moment, okay?” She nods and walks off instantly. Well, that was easy. I close the door and get changed into the gear I normally play survival games in; a pair of black sweatpants and a white undershirt, and I grab a towel for myself. I clean out and put in my two contacts, and, as I look into the mirror now...a memory flies into my mind. It was a late night, only a year ago. I was sixteen, I was still playing survival games, and it was the first night that I wanted nothing more than to die. It wasn’t a secret I was weak in our neighbourhood. Mentally, I was always at the bottom of our class. Emotionally, it didn’t take much for me to cry or breakdown; it happened on the norm. Physically, I was one of the weakest in my school -- the only boy weaker than me was this kid Hideyoshi, and he was born with serious birth defects. I had some of the girls beat, but not by much. I still wore my glasses back then, my hair (which at that time was all the way down to my lower back) was still fully brown, and I still had zero self-esteem. I was at the park with someone that night. For the life of me I couldn’t remember who that someone was, and, we were sitting on the bench, just talking about the events of that day. A couple of our seniors jumped me, and I sat on that bench with a bloody nose and a black-and-blue eye. And, it was then when I got the call. The call that changed my life. The call that my mom was sick. It hurt. God -- I can’t explain how much that hurt. I ran away. I don’t remember why. It was honestly so stupid. I remember that someone’s voice calling after me, but I didn’t care. That night I slept in an alley in the middle of nowhere. I wanted to wither away. But, alas, I didn’t wither away. I woke up that morning, cold, restless, and still pained. I was always made fun of because of my look, so, I stole green hair dye from a local convenience store, and went home. It was still three in the morning when I got there, so no one was there to greet me at the door, and I made a dash for the bathroom. I took a pair of scissors and cut a few inches of hair off my head, then dyed half of it green. In the morning, I had my estranged aunt take me to the eye-doctor to get me those prescriptions, and a week later, when they came in, I was a whole new person. Or at least, I tried to be. As I open the door to the gym, I see Nakata standing on a green wrestling mat, her legs shoulder-width apart, stretching out her neck. She smiles as I approach her. “You take a while to get ready.” she says, and I shrug my shoulders. “You’re more of a girl than I am. C’mon, limber up.” “Is that supposed to be an insult?” “Eh, more of motivation,” she replies, as I join her in stretching. “It’s more fun to spar with someone who is comin’ to kill.” “So, you want me to go one-hundred percent?” I ask, and she nods. I mean, sparring totally sounds unsafe in general, but, with a professional killer? ...Nakata, please don’t break me in two. And so, after the stretching, we stand on opposite ends of the green, cushiony wrestling mat. “I’ll count us down,” she says, before taking stance. She’s slightly bent over, her left knee a bit behind her -- like she was a track star getting ready to take off -- and I got into the same position on my end. Her hazel eyes move up and down my body; she’s studying me...I might as well do the same. So, given Nakata definitely has more muscle than me, and is about two inches taller than me, it almost makes sense for me to stay low and try to circle around her. She has her left hand slightly lower than her right hand in her stance, meaning one of two things; one, she’s going to use her right hand to deflect my attacks and try to catch me off-guard with a left uppercut, or, she’s going to attack and go for the chest with her left immediately. Okay, I know what I’m gonna do. Nakata gives the countdown, and we’re off. She takes off-- --and before I could even put my plan into action, she’s only a few feet in front of me. I take a step back and catch a foot flying to my cheek. I’m at least aware enough to duck under the leg that came up and scoot to her left. This is my only chance. As she turns her head to face me, I leap forward toward her. All I need to do is get her off her feet, and I’ll be fine. The second I’m in arm-length, Nakata spins ninety degrees to face me and she grabs my wrists. Before I can stop myself or try to pull away, I’m on the ground, Nakata digging her knee into my chest and pinning me to the ground. Her face is only a few inches from mine. S-She’s inhuman! Thank god this mat is so fluffy, or I’d be out of it. “You lose,” is all she says, before getting off of me, and slowly making her way to her water bottle. “Yeah, I know.” I say, before getting up myself. “You’re too strong.” I slowly walk over to her and wipe a bit of sweat from my forehead. “Thank you for not hurting me.” She looks back at me and gently smiles before taking a sip from her water bottle. “So, do you mind if I ask you a question?” She pauses, taking the water bottle away from her mouth and shrugs. “Sure.” Should I ask this? This might be insensitive of me, but… “Why be a merc?” She smiles again -- but this time it’s more of a smirk -- and it’s still barely visible. “You haven’t told me why you dyed your hair, and since I asked first, it’s only fair that my question gets answered first.” Ugh. I hate talking about myself. “Stress,” I shyly say, shrugging my shoulders and I find myself looking down at my feet. “My mom’s sickness, bullies; I was always pretty weak, and I thought that if I looked the part of the ‘strong-guy’, then I’d turn into one. Funny how that doesn’t always work, heh?” I look up from the wooden floor and back to Nakata, whose face of indifference never helps my understanding. “Well, I can’t say you even look the part anyways,” she says, before handing me her water bottle. “You have too much of a babyface.” ...yeah, shoulda saw that coming. I take a sip from her bottle and she continues. “Not to mention, I’m in a place where I see the strongest of men -- tattoos, muscles the size of your head, assault rifles in their hands -- break down and cry like babies. Being strong doesn’t have to be only physical.” she pauses, and I hand her back her water bottle. “I became a mercenary to save lives.” “Then, does that mean you kill to save?” She nods. “I wanted to be an assassin at first, but to be an assassin, you need to either be super stealthy, or super super seductive; both of which I don’t really have. But, I had the same goal either way. There are places in the world where people live in ruins, live under strict totalitarian rule, and have no way to defend themselves. That’s what I’m here for...I left to live a normal life...” she pauses again, and offers me her hand. “…I guess it wasn’t meant to be.” That’s sad. Madoka Nakata just wanted to be a normal girl for once, and this happened? That’s just cruel. I take her hand, and she flashes a small smile at me. “Our sparring session isn’t over.” “Right!” I exclaim and smile. We quickly return to our spots on the mat, and we got ready to go… ...and I spent the next thirty minutes being thrown around. I’m zero and fifteen against Nakata. That’s just depressing. During the walk back to our rooms, the MonoMech morning announcement played, and we parted ways to shower and freshen up for the day. After I showered and got dressed, I left my room and ran into the Ultimate Archer, who was just leaving his room too. “Hey, Ken.” Satoshi smiles, stretching out his back. “Sleep nice?” I nod. “Somehow. You?” He nods too, and we begin walking to the dining hall. “Honestly, I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep at all last night, but, I’m coping well. What about you? Rumor has it you were having some trouble adjusting.” I smile and shrug my shoulders. “No thank you, I’m doing a lot better than that first day. I think I’ll get through it.” Satoshi playfully frowns at me, before throwing his arm around my shoulder, and changing his frown to a smirk. “Such a shame, I thought we had such a connection! You were the only one I was gonna offer this service too!” he pauses as we open the door to the dining hall. “But, I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better; and the offer always stands.” I offer a quick “Thank you,” and we sit next to the other students who have gathered already. Saishi, Yosano, Kitoaji, Yuka, Azama, Shiho, Tomori, and Sasada sat in the dining hall, seperated into three groups. Yosano, Kitoaji, and Yuka sat together, giggling and smiling and chatting about something. From what I’ve noticed, those three tend to get along the best out of everyone here. Sasada and Saishi sat across from one another; they looked serious, if I had to guess, they were probably talking about the situation we were in and what they were gonna do. Those two were more of the serious type, strictly business. Shiho and Tomori were an odd couple; Shiho was laid-back and friendly, while Tomori was bubbly and constantly bouncing off the walls. They both seemed to care a lot about the people here, so they have that in common. Satoshi goes off to sit next to Tomori, and I go to my normal three -- Yosano, Kitoaji, and Yuka. I take my usual seat next to Kitoaji, and across from me is Yuka. “Good morning, Ken.” Yosano greets, smiling as she does so. I smile back, naturally. I’m still awfully tired from the sparring with Nakata earlier, so I find really no alternative than to rest the side of my head on the wooden table; I stare up at the three I’m with. “Tired?” Kitoaji asks, rubbing my head. “Did Nakata work you out hard?” Yosano asks, and Kitoaji removes their hand from my head. “She’s too strong,” I pause, taking a deep breath. “And it’s too early.” “She’s scaryyyy!” Yuka exclaims, suddenly grabbing onto Yosano’s arm. “Big bro, you’re too naive! What if she’s dangerous?” Heh, that’s what I thought too. “She’s really nice.” “Is she?” Yosano asks. “I haven’t had much opportunity to talk to her.” “It’s still only the second day.” Kitoaji smiles. “We’ll have plenty of time!” The two girls, and myself nod. We still have a long way to go. But, we will make it! So long as we all get along and move forward together, we’ll most definitely be fine! A few moments later, Saishi’s voice rings loud. “Hello, everyone! I’m glad to see how everyone has made it today!” I’m too tired to turn my head; but, does that mean everyone’s here? “Let’s make today a great one, and search for an exit!” And, we spent the rest of the day, and the day after that, searching for an exit that we didn't know existed. And that leads us to day four. I had gone sparring with Nakata everyday, including today, and my back has been aching all morning. So, when I drag myself into the dining hall for the daily meetup, and take my seat next to Kitoaji, I consider just falling back to sleep right there. Over the past two days, it became clear very quickly there was a division in our group of sixteen. It’s not anything that’s scary, but just observing everyone. Firstly, there was Yosano, Yuka, Kitoaji, Saishi, Sasada, and myself. We were more ‘about-the-group’, when we compare to the others. We were the class role-models, if you were gonna label us. Then there were the average students, they’d show up late, but they weren’t that detrimental to the group. Most high schoolers fall into this category -- Shiho, Tani, Shiomi, Azama, Tomori, and Satoshi. And then there was the last group. They showed up late to all of our meetings, and didn’t care much for helping out in our exit search or trust-building exercises Saishi led us in -- Shimazaki, Obinata, Nakamoto, and Nakata. “You okay, Ken?” Kitoaji asks, looking down on me. I probably look really pathetic right now, but I really don’t care. I’m in too much pain. “Yeah,” I lie, offering Kitoaji a fake smile. “I don’t think I can keep up with Nakata’s training regiment.” Kitoaji flashes a smile at me in return, and places their hand on my cheek. “You’re warm.” “And your hands are cold.” They are pretty icy; not that it doesn’t feel good. “It’ll help cool you down then.” “Seriouslyyyy,” Yuka sighs, leaning forward and resting her head in her hands. She grins. “You guys look like such a cute couple.” Kitoaji almost instinctively pulls their hand away from my face, and, their face goes a little red too. I’m too tired to blush, or react, or anything. ...that really felt good too, thanks Yuka. “No teasing first thing in the morning, please.” Sasada says, taking a seat on the other side of me, and Saishi sits in front of her. “And no flirting either, please.” “We’re not flirting!” Kitoaji exclaims. “I was just--” “The more you deny, the sketchier it becomes.” the gardener shrugs. “Ken, if you’re not feeling well you can skip out on the meeting today, we won’t mind.” “That is right!” Saishi exclaims. “Return to your room and come back to us when you’re at your one hundred percent!” I’m too lazy to go back to my room. Kitoaji’s cold hand returns to my cheek. “What time is it?” they ask. “It’s eight,” Yosano says. “Everyone else is an hour late?” “I suppose so.” Sasada yawns. “It’s understandable, considering the circumstances.” “They can still make an effort!” Saishi exclaims, rising to his feet. “I shall go get those slackers!” “No need,” Tomori’s voice calls out, and I see Kitoaji, Yosano, and Yuka all turn their heads to her voice. “We’re here!” Soon enough, Satoshi, Azama, Shiho, Tani, Nakata, and Shiomi join us in the dining hall as well. Azama and Shiho go off by themselves, as does Shiomi and Tani, while Satoshi and Nakata join the seven of us at our table. Nakata sits next to Yosano, and in my field of vision. “Nakata,” Yosano says, catching the merc’s attention. “I was seriously considering your offer, but seeing how you left poor Ken this morning, I’ll have to pass.” Nakata shrugs, as if to say ‘suit yourself’, before looking back to me. “What are we know? forty-six wins for me, zero for you?” It’s forty-five. “Believe it or not, he’s improving though.” Nakata shrugs. “I’m a professional, so I don’t think any of you could beat me anyways.” “Never give up hope, Ken!” Saishi exclaims. “You have so much potential! One day you can take down Nakata, I believe in you, all you need to do is believe in yourself!” Ah, right, Saishi’s the Ultimate Motivational Speaker. That can be annoying. “At least you’re humble.” Sasada shrugs. “Now, where is everyone else?” As if on cue, Nakamoto’s boisterous voice fills the dining hall, and even I’m interested enough to turn and look. Nakamoto and Obinata enter the dining hall, Nakamoto chuckling over something Obinata told him, and Obinata smirking to himself. I still don’t like Obinata, like, at all. I haven’t spoken to him once since we got here. A few feet behind them was Shimazaki, who skipped on over to us. “Gooood morning, everyone!” she exclaims, jumping in the seat next to Tomori. “Let’s blow something up!” Well, at least she’s energetic. There was an awkward moment of silence, but I don’t think Shimazaki really cares all too much. She’s back to playing with Nakata’s lighter that Nakata gave her yesterday. Luckily, Saishi is here to save our souls. “I do not recommend blowing anything up!” Saishi exclaims. “That does not sound safe at all!” “Plus MonoMech said if you did, he’d kill ya.” Tomori says. “I’m not sure if he would or not, but it’s better to just not even try.” “You guys are soooo lame!” the arsonist says, sighing heavily. “I just want something to go BOOM, y’know?!” “Oh trust me, we know.” Sasada says. She’s so sarcastic and but her voice is so monotone, it’s a weird combination, but I kinda love it. “So, what’s our game plan for today, Saishi.” Saisi nods, and rises to his feet. “Because we spent the last four days trying to escape the school -- and to no avail -- it is time we take a different approach!” “And what would that be?” Obinata asks. “We’re going to do team-building exercises!” “No.” Saishi frowns, and Obinata rises. “Why not?” “Because I don’t see how that helps us at all.” the fashion designer says. I really hate this dude. Sasada rises next. “If we all get along, there will be less chance of a murder taking place, and provide more opportunity for us to trust one another, and survive together.” He scoffs. “If someone is going to kill, then this is going to be for nothing anyways.” “And, if we get to know each other, the chances of that happening become slim.” “Hey, Obi-chi!” Nakamoto exclaims, standing to his feet too. “It might be fun, man!” “Fun or not, it’s stupid and useless.” Obinata sighs. “I’ll be taking my leave now.” And, with that, Obinata walks off, with Nakamoto following close behind him. “Since all the bad energy is gone,” Sasada continues. “Let’s do this.” “What are we even doing?” Shiomi asks, tilting his head. “I’m splitting us into groups of four! Your task for the day is to get to know each other!” Saishi exclaims. Yeah, this is really stupid. For once, Obinata might be right. Useless however? Maybe not. “Since two of them left, we’ll have two groups of four, and two groups of three?” Tomori asks. Saishi nods, before scanning the group of us. “Let’s see...Shiho, Tani, Nakata, and Yuka, you guys are one group. Sasada, Ken, Shimazaki, and Shiomi, you’re another. Satoshi, Azama, and Kitoaji, you’re another. And the last group will be myself, Yosano, and Tomori!” Kitoaji pouts, tugging on my arm. “I wanted to be with Ken, though!” “You two are together a lot anyways,” Nakata sighs. “That’d be counterproductive, would it not?” Counterproductive isn’t the word I’d use, but that makes sense, I guess. It takes a moment, but I see where Saishi is going for with this. Saishi is cleverly splitting up the social factions that have formed these past few days (such as the foursome of myself, Yosano, Yuka, & Kitoaji), and putting the loners -- Nakata and Shimazaki -- in the larger groups. At least some thought went into this. “Assholes,” Shiomi mutters under his breath as he sits in front of me, and Shimazaki next to him. “Seriously, this Obinata kid needs to realize this isn’t an individual game.” “Maybe to him it is.” Sasada sighs. “Selfish people tend to put their wants first.” “And Nakamoto too,” Shiomi continues, almost ignoring Sasada’s comment. “He’s following Obinata around like a lost puppy! It makes no sense.” “Depends how you look at it--” Sasada starts, but is now cut off by Shimazaki. “But Nakamoto is so hot! You can’t say anything bad about him!” she exclaims. “Has he charmed you already?” Shiomi asks. “Nakamoto is the Ultimate Host after all, if I had to write a song about him it’d be called…” Oh, here it comes. “...Beautiful Liar.” I don’t see how that really works with Nakamoto, considering I don’t know him to be much of a liar, but Shiomi seems satisfied with himself. “So, I hate to excuse myself from this meeting,” the arsonists starts, rising to her feet. “But I need to leave!” “Wait--” Sasada tries to stop her but Shimazaki’s fast. By the time Sasada gets out of her seat, Shimazaki was already halfway across the dining hall, and only a few seconds later, was gone. “Is she even allowed to be alone?” Shiomi asks, before turning to me. “Ridiculous.” I only shrug my shoulders as Sasada returns to her seat. “What’s up with some of these people?” She’s probably going to go meet up with Obinata and Nakamoto, right? That’s the only thing that makes sense. “So,” Sasada starts, sighing to herself. “Shiomi, Ken, what’s our agenda for today?” “Is there anything we can do for fun here?” I ask. Sasada shakes her head. “We all got one personal item, right? That’s probably the only formof entertainment we’ll get, right?” I smile and turn my head toward her. “What did you get?” “A bonsai tree and a gardening set.” she shrugs. “You?” “My toy gun,” I say. “Nothing really exciting.” “I have my old PS Vita…” Shiomi trails off. “...we could always play that. Oh, and no, there is no internet connection on it. I already tried it.” ...I actually really want to play. “I don’t see why we shouldn’t.” Sasada smiles, and with her permission, the three of us left the dining hall and retreated to Shiomi’s room. His room was the same as mine, pretty much, however on his dresser was Shiomi’s PS Vita, plugged into an outlet. “So, I forgot to ask Shiomi,” Sasada starts as she takes a seat on the foot of his bed. “But our personal items had at least some connection to our ultimate talents. Why did you get a gaming system?” I sit next to Sasada, and Shiomi sits next to me. “Probably because I play a lot of rhythm games,” he nonchalantly says. “And, dating sims help when I’m dealing with writer’s block.” Daring sims? Really? “That makes sense, I suppose.” Sasada says, as Shiomi passes me his Vita. Does it, though? I power it on and a paused dating sim pops up that Shiomi has been playing, Love High. “You know,” I say, smiling as I look to Sasada. “They say you can learn a lot about a man’s “type” by who they romance in a dating sim.” Sasada almost instantly leans in, as Shiomi instinctively reaches for the Vita. I quickly hand it over to Sasada before he can get his hands on. Thank you for the practice, Nakata. Sasada smirks evilly as she mashes buttons on the Vita trying to get to Shiomi’s romance option, and I look back at the songwriter who only looks down in defeat. “Woah,” Sasada says, and I quickly look over her shoulder to the screen. On the screen is a blue-haired Japanese girl, blue eyes, wearing a pink sweatshirt and the top of her lighter pink jeans showing. She looks almost exactly like… “...is that Tani?” I finally ask, looking back to Shiomi. “Oh my god…” Sasada mumbles. Shiomi continues to stare down to the ground, he’s probably embarrassed, I mean I would be too. Sasada smirks again, and I tap Shiomi’s shoulder. He looks back up at me, his face beat red, gently smiling to himself. “Don’t tell her.” he says. “Of course not!” I smile, before lying back on his bed. I’m curious now. “So, how’d it happen?” “How’d what happen?” he asks, looking back at me, lying back down next to me. “When did you develop your little crush on her?” “Instantly.” he flashes a smile at me. The way he speaks is tender, I think he’s really into her, wow. “She was the first person I saw when I woke up, her big blue eyes just made me feel safe in those first moments. I kinda just fell for her there. If I had to describe it in a song title, it would be First Sights, First Love.” “That’s soooooooooooo cute!” I exclaim, looking back at Sasada, who is staring down at the Vita intensely. “Don’t you think, Sasada?” She shrugs her shoulders and gives a small “Yes,” but she’s too invested in the dating sim to even notice anymore. Sasada didn’t quite take me for the kind of person to be interested in that kind of stuff, “So, whatcha gonna do about it?” I ask, turning back to Shiomi, whose face goes a tad bit redder. “Nothing,” he says. “She’s totally chill, but, I barely know her. Give me like a week to get to know her, and I’ll get back to you.” he pauses, before smirking himself. “What about you, Ken?” “What about me?” “Tani and I have been watchin’, and, we’ve been lookin’ at the way you look at that cutie, Rai. What’s that all about?” Now I feel myself go red. I can’t help it, and if I’m being honest with myself, I really do like Kitoaji a lot...as friends. “What do you mean?” I ask Shiomi. “...flag unlocked.” Sasada mumbles to herself. “You know what I mean.” he says. “I like Tani, I said it, now tell me all the gossip on Rai Kitoaji!” I look away from Shiomi’s face, and to his chest. I can’t make eye contact, it’s too embarrassing. “There’s nothing to talk about.” I say, and I hear him chuckle and rub the top of my head. I look back up instinctively. “What was that for?” “Why are you so red if nothing’s up?” he asks, and I look back away. “I will find out, Ken! I’ll write a song about your relationship and give it to Azama and Shiho to play!” “Get Tani to sing it and then we’re talking!” I flash a smile, and he smirks back. “Deal?” “Deal!” he exclaims, and we both sit up simultaneously. “Sasada, anyone you’re interested in?” “...” She’s silent, blushing slightly as she plays the dating sim. “Should we take that away from her?” I ask, looking to Shiomi, who shrugs his shoulders. “Let’s let her be, she’s enjoying herself.” he says. “I have a deck of cards we can play anyway.” As Shiomi gets up to grab a deck of cards from his top drawer, I can’t help but smile as I look between him and Sasada. I went four days thinking Sasada was strictly all-business and no-nonsense, and thinking Shiomi is just a condescending hipster. I don’t think I’m that far off with Shiomi, but seeing Sasada in more of her element is nice, and maybe it is better if I expand my social group as far as this goes, right? We’re all classmates. We’re all stuck here and supposed to get along, right? Then let’s act like it! After hanging out with Shiomi and Sasada for a while, I walked Sasada back to her room and went back to the dining hall, where a confrontation was taking place. Saishi stands at the end of the dining hall I’m at, his stance wide, his glasses hanging off of his nose. He looks red, his eyes are narrow, and he’s staring at the other end of the dining hall, where Obinata stands, looking as casual and nonchalant as ever. Yosano and Tani stand in the middle of the dining hall, looking back and forth between the two bickering classmates, and once Tani notices me, she waves me over. I hurriedly pass Saishi and walk over to the two as Obinata throws a profanity at Saishi. “What’s going on?” I ask, and the two girls look at each other. “Obinata came for an early dinner, Saishi was here, Saishi asked why Obinata made a big scene earlier, and then they started fighting.” Thanks for the summary, Yosano. That doesn’t really help. “Listen here, Obinata,” Saishi continues, flipping his hair. “I don’t care where you come from, you need to get along with everyone like the rest of us! We are in this strange predicament together!” “And your point?” he scoffs. “You need to become more of a team player!” “I'd rather not be in the same boat as an autistic howler monkey and a depressed child.” Saishi squirms, biting his lower lip. The autistic howler monkey comment was definitely directed to Saishi, no? ...I’m probably the depressed child. I feel Yosano’s arm wrap around my neck, and she pulls me in, and I look to her to find she also has Tani locked up in her other arm. “Hey, what’s this for, Yosano?” the beatboxer asks, wincing as the pitcher holds onto us. Why does this feel familiar? Isn’t this what she did when I first awoke? “Oh, sorry.” Yosano nervously giggles, letting go of our necks. Tani stands up straight and scratches the back of her head awkwardly, and I do more-or-less the same. Saishi and Obinata still fight, but their argument is white noise now. “Just instinct, I guess.” Instinct? “It’s fine,” Tani smirks, narrowing her eyes at the both of us. “Told you small stuff, she probably does bite.” Yosano crosses her arms and closes her eyes. “Do not.” “That’s what they all say…” Why do you two always have to be so weird when you’re together? “Making fun of the disabled is just wrong!” Saishi’s voice rings in the background. “So, how was your ‘trust-building exercise’, Ken?” Tani asks. Aw, Shiomi, where are you now so I can tease you? "Are you not, however?" Obinata's voice follows Saishi's. “What’s so funny?” she asks, and I shrug my shoulders. “Oh, nothing.” I say. “I think it was fun though! Did you two enjoy you time?” The two girls nodded in unison. “It was fine.” Yosano says. “Saishi and Tomori are too bubbly for me.” Tani smirks. “See, I had the opposite problem. Nakata and Shiho are way too low-key, and Yuka doesn’t make up for their lack of energy. So glad it’s over.” “Fine, have it your way!” Saishi yells, and the three of us just barely see Obinata retreat into the kitchen, as Saishi hurries toward us. “That boy needs to stop being so self-centered!” “We know, Saishi.” Yosano sighs, and I nod my head in agreeance. “But is there anything to do about it?” The Ultimate Motivational Speaker rubs his temples. “I don’t know, but we cannot let this one guy get us down! We will still make it out of here as one cohesive unit, believe in me!” “We believe.” Tani says. But...do I believe? Why do I not believe that? I can’t rid the aching feeling that something’s going to go wrong… ...I want to believe in everybody, but, can I really trust that they won’t betray me? Just thinking about the possibility of one of my friends betraying us makes me feel...sick. “Ken, you okay?” Yosano asks, nudging my shoulder. “You just got really pale.” I quickly look from the floor back up to the three in front of me and nod my head. “Yeah, I just got a bit light-headed.” I say, forcing a smile at them which I’m not sure any of them believe, and excusing myself. I walk back down the hallway to my room, waving to Nakamoto as I pass him, and I take a seat on the foot of my bed. This sucks. It’s been four days since we’ve been stuck in this school. The police hasn’t come yet, no one has. Are they even looking for us? Do they even realize we’re missing? I mean, I’m sure Touka noticed. I wonder if she’s worried. Or, she’s too busy worrying about mom she hasn’t had the time to worry about me. I don’t want her to be scared. I don’t want her to be scared for me. I don’t want my mom to be scared either. How is she doing? Is she taking her meds? Sometimes she forgets to take them. Oh God, what if she forgot to take them? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? What if…? There’s a knock on my door. I don’t want them to come in. I don’t want them to come in. I don’t want them to come in. The door squeaks open, and Yosano pokes her head through. “I’m coming in!” Well, so much for that. The Ultimate Pitcher smiles to herself as she closes the door behind her. I scoot over on the bed to the right as she takes her seat next to me. “Hi, Ku-chan.” she says. Ku-chan? Since when did you take up Azama’s nickname? “How are you feeling?” she asks, brushing a strand of hair that fell in front of my eye. “Any problems?” I shake my head. “No, just thinkin’ about stuff.” “What kind of stuff?” “Just...stuff.” She sighs, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but, do you mind if I stay with you for a bit?” I don’t mind. But… “What about you?” I ask. “What about me?” she responds. “How are you?” I feel selfish having not asked this before. She’s been so kind to me. She only smiles. “I’m coping well.” she pauses. “Unlike most people, I’m not prone to panic or anxiety or depression.” I nod, and she continues. “I grew up in poverty; the oldest of five siblings. I used to be scared, but, having a bunch of little kiddos relying on you makes you forget all the fear in this world. Where I lived, weak people died, the strong lived. I’m strong,” she pauses again, gripping my shoulder tighter and pulls me closer. “And, it’s my job to protect the ones I care about. Both here and back home.” There’s a bitterness behind those words of hers. I don’t know what it is, but, she seems content just being here to help others, emotionally and physically. I respect her a lot, and, I wish I could do more for her My job is to protect the ones I care about. Maybe I’m helping her by just letting her care? I really am useless, aren’t I? Category:Anguish & Desire Category:Anguish & Desire Chapters